Screen Addiction in Teens: Losing Your Child to Virtuality
Screen Addiction in Teens
Once upon a time, our imaginations were lit by campfire stories, backyard adventures, and the thrill of turning real pages. But in today’s world, there’s a new storyteller at every swipe—and it never stops talking. Somewhere along the way, many of us—especially our young people—who are drowning in instant gratification, are starting to feel… less. Less wonder. Less joy. Less connection. It’s like our hearts are still there, but wrapped in a heavy fog. This is called digital numbing.
Has your teen lost their passion for all the things they used to love to do or for reading and for devouring books like they used to? Digital numbing caused by the excessive use of electronic devices is also known as emotional numbness or blunted affect but the offical term is Anhedonia. It means, the inability to feel joy. It’s not a clinical diagnosis, but it’s a real experience addressed by Jonathan Haidt in his book The Anxious Generation.
Imagine your feelings as instruments in an orchestra. When we constantly flood our senses with excessive time on screens—movies, video games, social media use—the volume on life gets turned down. The thrill of everyday things starts to fade. This could also be called dopamine desensitisation—when the brain’s “yay!” button gets tired of being pushed too often. Sadly, the stories that used to move us start to feel like background noise as we become deprived of social interactions.
The solution isn’t to toss all the cell phones and digital devices away. Believe me, as a parent, I have battled almost every day with reactiveness. When I see something affecting the daily lives of my children or our family life in general, I instantly want to ban it all and throw it all away. However, in this digital world, this is not realistic. As in all things, we need to find balance. It’s about helping our teens—and ourselves—reconnect; reconnect with friends, by spending time with family, with stories that inspire, with games that don’t require batteries, with feelings that might be quiet at first, but grow louder with time, attention, and space.
It’s okay to be still. It’s okay to be bored. It’s even okay to feel sad. These are all part of the great adventure of being human. In order to be free, we must have free time.
Now, there were times when we did ban computer games when our children were younger, and they were some of the best decisions we ever made for our family. I believe we brought life and connection back to our family. If someone is an alcoholic, it is not kind to allow them just a little alcohol in order for them to not throw a tantrum. Digital addiction is no different to any other addiction and my Digital Cocaine article talks about the fact that this addiction affects the brain in exactly the same way as a cocaine addiction.
When you have teens, it is not possible to ban all digital platforms and devices unless you completely segregate your child from the world and everything in it. Clearly, in this day and age this is not an option for teens. So… instead of banning everything, try introducing things that will compete with the amount of time they spend on screens. Schedule things in; social functions, book clubs, friend catchups, family dinners, friends BBQs, sport, concerts etc. I know this all takes more time and effort on the part of the parent but it is an investment in your child, their future AND your future relationship with them.
Also, encourage your teen to volunteer and/or get a part time job. Volunteer together. Working has been great for our youngest where she is the youngest of 6 children and the last living at home. A few years ago, our whole family volunteered together, starting the first Southern Cross Kids’ Camp (Royal Family Kids’ Camps in the U.S.) in our home state of South Australia. I directed camp while my young adult and teen children worked as buddies and staff on the camps. My husband and any children who were too young to serve on camp would help with picking up and dropping off the campers, setting up and packing down and also myriad preparations leading up to the camps.
There were many fond memories made for our family while we were all serving in such a great organisation. These Christian camps positively impact children in child protection through 5-day camps, designed specifically to meet the needs of some of our most vulnerable children.
Our children have been anywhere between the ages of 15 and 17 before having their own mobile phones. Clearly, this is a personal choice for each family and you have to decide as the parent what the best age is that is appropriate for your family. Unfortunately, many parents are pressured into giving their child a phone at an age that is much younger than the parents feel is appropriate, because all their friends have them.
This is often easier for homeschoolers to deal with, when your children are not in a school full of phone carrying teens or even much younger children. Most of our children’s friends have been much older than the typical school child before having their own phones so this has made it much easier for us to avoid this pressure and we have been able to support each other in our parenting choices.
Before we had any high schoolers, I remember not having to set limits on screen use for our older children. There were no online homeschool curriculums (these were about to flood the market and were crazy expensive). We had one desk-top computer for the whole family out in the living area and a few educational CD-ROMs, as well as some that had come from Maccas Happy Meals. Yes! We are one of those homeschool families who actually ate fast food!
I believe in a diet of mostly healthy, organic food but we weren’t religious about it. I constantly struggled with my weight and my relationship with food as a teen so my philosophy was that if 90% of their diet was healthy, then we could be flexible with the other 10% haha. For special occasions we would allow our children all the treats and sugar they wouldn’t get on a daily basis. This worked for us and we feel our children have grown up with healthy relationships with food and their bodies. Check out my foodie page here in the Storyschooling Cooking Library!
But, I digress… we didn’t have to restrict how much time they spent on the computer because they would take turns and watch each other play by looking over each others’ shoulders. But, eventually they would get bored and next minute they would be running off outside and on to their next venture. This changed however, with Minecraft. This was where the limitations of computer games disappeared because now… the games were online.
We noticed the shift and we recognised the addictiveness. Suddenly, we were having to place limits on their screen time and they wouldn’t choose to end the game themselves. They were now online AND they could play remotely with their friends. While it was easy enough to monitor, as any desk tops and eventually lap tops, were out in the living area, we were uneasy about the fact that there was no self-monitoring anymore. We made the decision to ban computer games entirely.
Thinking that this would possibly be the beginnings of World War III, it was actually a bit of a non-event. Now, I am sure our children missed playing those games initially but I believe that we nipped this in the bud before it became a full blown addiction. We didn’t ban them from playing at other places or if they went to friends’ houses and we had several family friends who had a Wii. They had a lot of fun with those. We just chose not to have these in our own home.
When we attended Brad Huddleston’s Digital Cocaine seminar, I saw what the outcomes and behaviours were for those families with screen addicted children and that the withdrawal symptoms could be just as severe as an actual cocaine addiction. We did succumb again at one point when we had a child who so desperately wanted to play a new game that their friends were playing. Almost immediately, we saw our outdoorsy, creative, imaginative, play-all-day child, disappear before our very eyes! They were still there in body at the dinner table but emotionally… they were still in the game, not present at all. These were the signs of addiction.Â
If they weren’t playing the game, they were thinking about the game. They became totally disengaged and we could see that we were losing them relationally and emotionally. So… we banned it all over again. This time though, it was not so easy. Why?
The difference was that now, everything had moved online. This meant, it wasn’t just that there were no more limitations to the games they were playing but that the very design and components of the games had changed. They were not confined to whatever was programmed onto the CD-ROM but instead, the games were subject to constant updates and improvements, with more game levels being added and updated and more money to be invested on the part of the parent. This was not just for the cost of the subscription to the game but because there was always something else to buy… in the game.
This is likened to child gambling. With these new online games, the draw was that you often did not have to pay for initial access to the game but after the first few levels, then you had to sign up to a game subscription in order to continue. But that’s not all. Once you subscribed, there was constant upselling. Thankfully, we never went beyond the free version because we could see the slippery slope from the beginning but even still, the addiction was instantaneous.
I remember when I first saw a documentary about Second Life and the addictive behaviours resulting from of this type of game for adults. Outside of work, controlled by internet gaming disorder, people would literally spend all their time and money on this game, succumbing to the lure and temptation of all there was to buy in this virtual world and the social isolation that accompanied it. How much more so for teens, where they have little inhibition or self-control.
Overuse of screens can lead to all kinds of screen addiction symptoms. These include a decline in physical health and brain function, as well as sleep disturbances, depressive symptoms and social anxiety. Brain scans show that brain deficits in those addicted to screens are the same as those who are addicted to chemical substances. If you believe your child may need outside intervention and are seeking screen addiction treatment, read my article here on Digital Cocaine and for some recommendations for resources and intervention programs.
Create screen time limits and screen-free zones in your house, especially around the dinner table. Go out for a meal occasionally and leave all phones and devices at home. Take a coloring book for young children and talk about your day and your week. Take turns talking about your highs and your lows with your teens and young adults and discuss plans for the future. If you struggle to even start a conversation with your teens, use these Talking Point Cards as helpful conversation starters. You can either keep the box in the middle of the table or keep them discretely in your room and take a peak before meals to give you some helpful ideas.
Have a curfew for phones where at a set time, all phones (including those belonging to parents) are left at the charging station and not picked up again until the morning. It is so important for us as parents to model healthy behaviours to our children and to leave our phones aside at night too, not next to the bed. In order to do this, we may also need to address our own addictions.
So, if you’ve noticed the sparkle dimming, here’s your gentle nudge: unplug for a little while. Be intentional in the daily life of your family as you seek alternative ways to spend more time together and to rebuild a healthier relationship with your child. Go camping and tell stories around the campfire. Gather a group of friends and go hiking or swimming in the ocean. Listen to the wind. The world still sings and it is calling you, even when the screen goes dark.
Remember, that without Jesus, there is no hope. When our world and our culture all seem to be falling apart, we have Jesus. We can trust Him with all of this and especially with our children. May we depend on Him always, cast our cares upon Him and know that He loves our children and calls them to a relationship with Him. Read the word daily with your children, pray with them, model what it looks like to walk with Jesus.
As the fog lifts, maybe, just maybe, the glint will replace the glitch and the light in their eyes will come on again.
The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
Goodreads: 4.35*
Caveat: Haidt writes from an evolutionary perspective but the helpful content of this book is valued by Christian and non-Christian parents alike.
If you’ve ever looked into the anxious eyes of your child and wondered, What’s happening to our kids?, this book will speak straight to your heart. In The Anxious Generation, social psychologist Jonathan Haidt courageously tackles the rise of mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and fragility among today’s youth—and points to the main culprit: the smartphone.
With the wisdom of a researcher and the urgency of a parent, Haidt lays out how excessive screen time, social media, and the loss of real-world play are reshaping childhood and rewiring children’s brains—and not for the better. But here’s what I love: this isn’t a hand-wringing book. It’s a hopeful one. Haidt gives us clear, practical steps to reclaim a healthier, more grounded upbringing for our kids.
As homeschoolers, we’ve already stepped off the beaten path. We know there’s a better way. This book will equip you with the understanding and encouragement you need in order to keep protecting the precious gift of childhood—and to raise brave, resilient kids in a world that often works against this goal.
Let’s lean in, pray hard, and keep saying yes to real life and no to the pressures of the screen-driven culture. This book is a powerful companion on that journey.
#1 New York Times Bestseller
How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness
Conversation Cards
Engaging & Deep Questions to Build Trust, Encourage Self-Expression & Strengthen Relationships – Great for Parents, Teachers, Group Discussions & Quality Time.
Explore Your Faith and Have Fun on Family Games Night or for Bible Study. Perfect for Homeschoolers, Youth Groups and other Church Groups.
Get Children to Enjoy Talking & Listening - Great for Road Trips & Family Dinners - A Great Way for Kids to Open Up and Share.
Put Down The Phones & Connect with Family - Get to Know Each Other Better with Meaningful Talk - Let Kids Express Themselves, Great for the Dinner Table & Road Trips.
Digital Cocaine: Detox & Recovery
